I'm waiting for an applicant and his parents to come in so we can sit down and see what good can come from using R2. While I'm waiting I'd figured I'd try and remember some of the best things I've heard since I've been out in recruiting.
From the leads/prospects/applicants:
"I've never had any law violations. At least nothing which hasn't been taken care of."
Okay Skippy, what did you do that had to be "taken care of"?
"Why don't you run the police checks and tell me what I've done."
It doesn't work like that Scooter.
"Oh man, I want to join the Army now! Is it a problem that I have asthma?"
You couldn't have told me that when I asked "Do you have any medical conditions or currently taking any medication"?
"I'll have to see if I get that job working in produce at the grocery store. If I don't I'll join."
I just stare blankly as my mind tries to process how cleaning veggies is a more appealing life choice than serving your country. Dude didn't even want to be a 92G so he COULD work produce in the Army.
"I can't afford the pay cut."
You're pushing carts for tips.
"I'm going to join the Air Force."
Here's the Air Force recruiter's phone number. Give him a call and tell him you have a 32 QT.
From fellow recruiters:
"Hey, hey, SFC B. This is me, but it's not me. What you got made?"
SSG Peter, the only person who can ask me that is SFC SC2. Stop worrying about me and worry about your no-conducts week.
"Sure you can take my motorcycle for a ride."
Yeah, that was me. 45 minutes later I'm picking up bits of plastic while waiting for the ambulance to take someone to the hospital.
"This is bullshit. Where are my orders?"
Heard that every morning for four months when a recruiter was waiting for his PCS orders.
Same recruiter when he'd check his email and see no orders.
"She's a grad."
First thing out of a recruiter's mouth when we asked him how old the girl he was dating is.
"You're not supposed to use your senior LRL as a little black book."
"Here's what I'm thinking I'm going to do. I'm going to get the kid in here and we're going to talk, and I'm going to see how he feels about taking the test. If he's good I'm going to schedule him and he'll take it. Hopefully he'll do good. If he doesn't want to take it I'll find out why by using some open-ended questions and hopefully overcome his objections. If I do I'll test him and then I'll see if he'll join so I can phys him and get me a grad for next month cause, man, I need something cause I've got nothing. I keep going out, finding these people, conducting them, but they're failing the EST cause they're all stupid. Man, what do they want from me? I'm doing what I'm supposed to be doing, they can't get too mad when you're out there trying. I'm tired of being skull-drugged because these kids don't want to do nothing."
Another foot down the slippery slope of insanity for a recruiter. That whole thing was in response to me asking "Hey, how'd you do today?"
"How's it going? Here, have a t-shirt. So, um, how are you doing? Here, have a mug. "You doing good in school? I've got a pen here for you. So, what have you been up to? Oh man, I've got a gym bag for you."
There are many ways to build rapport with a prospect. SSG Peter believes in bribing them into submission.
"You wanna join the Army or not?"
SSG Rage's opening statement. Can't knock it. He was the best worst recruiter ever.
"I swear to God. If I get another validation error for having the "current physician" blank I'm going to throw my laptop."
A common oath in my station when doing a projection.
"Let me see your planning guide."
Nothing good can ever come from hearing that.
"If volume equals box then why won't they count GED's for PMS?"
One of the great philosophical questions of all time.
"What do you mean you're not wearing underwear?"
Only recruiters can have a woman call them at work, tell them they're going commando, and have it be a legitimate work-related call. And only recruiters hate getting that call.
"You won't tell me you got a ticket last night, but you'll tell everyone at MEPS?"
I was impressed that SSG Rage didn't hurt that big-headed kid when he pulled that one.
"There are two senior 79Rs at the CLT who's only job is to put in 18X, OCS, and WOFT. They're done nothing all quarter. You, however, have put in two 18X's by accident."
My smart-assed comment to SSG Rage after he dropped his second SF contract in as many months. He hated them because it meant he had to do the Basic Training Task list.
"No one walks into a recruiting station carrying a glass of water unless they intend to throw it at a recruiter."
SSG Rage is a quote machine. He's also right.
Anyone, that's about it for me right now. Have to get working and see about getting this kid in. School here in AZ has a really short summer so Alternate Training might not work out well. We'll see.