Ever see a movie that is not very good, but whenever it's on you feel compelled to watch it? I've got a few. BASEketball is one. Clue is another. But tonight I was able to rewatch the grand daddy of them all.
The first time I watched this movie I was like 14 years old. I was instantly hooked because, by chance, I tuned in at the moment one of the weird hippy chicks was walking around topless. There's a decent amount of pointless toplessness in Zardoz, and pointless toplessness is a guaranteed way to make me watch something.
Since that time more than half my life ago I've seen Zardoz several times. Each time though it makes my head hurt. It's a movie with so much plot it has no plot at all. It's that infinite symbol of the snake eating itself. John Boorman, the writer, director, producer, had no idea what he was doing. I'm convinced that Zardoz was the result of him directing and producing something he wrote after sniffing the Sharpie marker used to draw the mustache and goatee on the creepy dude in the big stone head. Yes, that is the dude to the right, and yes, his facial hair has been drawn on.
Zardoz takes several different sci-fi concepts which would all have been interesting by themselves, and combines them into a mish-mash that's the movie equivalent of putting pizza, ice cream, and chocolate sauce into a blender and hitting "puree".
A movie about a society that stops aging and yearns for the sweet release of death? I'll watch it.
A movie about a band of exterminators in a post-apocalyptic world? Hell yeah! I'll see it twice!
A movie about an omnipresent computer that controls everything? They made three of them starring Keanu Reeves!
A movie about chicks who go around topless? Do I really need to comment on the likelyhood of me wanting to see such a movie?
Adding them all together though... no so much.
But despite that it's a movie I'll watch whenever it's on. I've even sought it out. I'm not proud of the fact, but I've done so. I'm hoping that an admission like this might lead to me getting some help.