SSG Rage, hold on to your chair. I don't want you to hurt yourself so you can't go on your next 21 mile road march.
SFC B: So, have you ever tried marijuana?
Mr. HB: Yeah, when I was a kid I tried it a couple times, but never since.
SFC B: Never since? Ever?
Mr. HB: Nope.
SFC B: You told me your parents smoked it a lot, you've never smoked with them?
Mr. HB: Nope, not my thing.
SFC B: Glad to hear it. Ever get in trouble because of it? Ever get busted for marijuana? Even if you were just holding?
Mr. HB: Never.
SFC B: You sure man? Cause it's important. If you got busted it's not a problem if you tell me now. We do some paperwork, you write a statement, speak with my commander and it's done.
Mr. HB: I've never gotten into trouble for marijuana.
SFC B: Good deal man, good deal. Cause if you did we'll find out and it'll be a problem.
Mr. HB: Never been in trouble.
Three days later the Positive Match email comes. Four days the police checks are rerun. Five days later, today, they come back. Possession of Marijuana. $90 fine, year of unsupervised probation. I'm the World's Worst Recruiter. If I had any sense of honor I'd go out back and commit ritual suicide.