Wednesday, June 27, 2007

The desolation

I had to travel to Bullhead City again last night. Ugh. Long, long drive. I've now made that drive about 50 times (I know, I know, that should be the number of times I've been the Vegas, I'm slacking), and it just gets more soul-crushingly long each time.

I'd mentioned the town of Wikiup before. Let me restate, clearly, what I know about Wikiup, AZ. Apparently they have a rock shaped like Snoopy. And they make the worst coffee ever.


Seriously bad.

The beans they used to make this... fluid (I'm not going to call it a "drink" out of fear someone might accidently think you're supposed to drink it) were swept up from the floor of some Guatamalan insane asylum which harvests and collects retarded coffee beans. I don't know what possessed me to try the "coffee" again, but I did. I was going to dump it out but I'm pretty sure it would result in a stiff fine from the EPA if I was caught.

Obviously the locals never drink that crap, because long-term exposure would cause extra limbs to sprout, and I've never noticed any three armed freaks while I was out there.

I also wonder what possesses someone to move into a single wide trailer in the middle of no where, 40 miles from any other sign of civilization? Do the police make random sweeps by these trailers to check for technophobes mailing bombs to their enemies? Pits where the bones of stranded motorists are fed to some viscious half-breed dogs? Do the police check under the beds of these isolated souls to make sure they're not keeping a hitchhiker in a cage like from that one episode of Law and Order: SVU? Seriously. I can't think of a reason to live that far from anything which doesn't involve a making it put the lotion on its skin. Honestly, if my car broke down in this part of Arizona, I'd rather take my chances with the elements than to find myself skinned and sewn into some nutjob woman's "man suit" while she dances crazily to Right Said Fred.

I'm also mildly curious how it is that no one has ever franchised a McD's out on this drive? It's a 70 mile stretch of NOTHINGNESS between Wickenburg and I-40. Sure you could stop and grab a bite at the BBQ joint in Wikiup, but the townspeople don't seem to be able to successfully brew a cup of coffee that doesn't rot your stomach from the inside out, I'm supposed to trust them with something more complex than "add water"?

Anyways... met with the person I was supposed to and now I'm doing the work to get them into the Army. So all the tear-inducing boredom was worth it in the end.


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