Friday, October 06, 2006

Way too much man hugging

Well, for those who aren't on my MySpace friends list I'll go ahead and share why the past three weeks have been a lesson in physical pain. For some bizarre reason I've allowed myself to be convinced to get involved in Mixed Martial Arts.

Yes mom, I'm fully aware that this is, hands down, the stupidest decision I've ever made.

Peer pressure is a horrible thing and the arrival of our newest recruiter, SGT Cheeks, brought an interest in MMA out into the open. It turns out that several recruiters in the office were actually very into MMA, UFC, and the like. However until SGT Cheeks arrived that wasn't something very openly discussed. SGT Cheeks brought this out because in his previous assignment he was actually a competitve amateur fighter with a couple of fights and victories to his name. To make things worse he's also a good teacher and was seeking people with whom to beat upon mercilessly train. Our pet Air Force recruiter and SSG Tomas eagerly volunteered. I did not. The last sane thing I'd ever done.

After a day or two of hearing how good a workout the training was I figured I'd show up and give it a go. After the first workout every sane cell in my brain had been deprived of oxygen leaving only the crazy cells to make decisions. I agreed to come back for more. So every Monday, Wednesday, and Friday for the past month I've driven to Luke AFB to have my face ground against mats for 90 minutes. I actually like the mat grinding because it's far better than having SGT Cheeks try to sit on me, or SSG Tomas touch me with his strong hand.

In the month I've been doing this I've learned many, many things. Like how far my elbow can bend until it almost snaps tendons, how much it sucks to be strangled, and that the best treatment for tendonitis is alternating hot and cold. I think that last one is a lie, but no one will give me Cortisone for a comparison. Bastards.

The only thing I have going for me is that I'm about fifty pounds heavier and six inches taller than everyone whom I train against. It keeps me from being totally humiliated in training, however if I ever get into an actual tournament I'm sure the only sound that will be heard over my wheezing breathing will be the sound of my arm breaking from an arm bar.


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